Unequally
Yoked Relationships—A Biblical Survey
Introduction
The
Bible doesn’t have much good to say about unequally yoked relationships. The
most famous passage is 2 Corinthians 6:14-17, which writes: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
For what partnership has righteousness with
lawlessness?
Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God
with idols?
For we are the temple of the living God…” (6:14-17)
This
passage is a command that applies to
every believer, including those who are
disobedient and like to cherry-pick biblical commands. The Greek phrase for “do
not be” is “Μὴ γίνεσθε” (me ginesthe), in
which the σθε (sthe) ending indicates the imperative
mood—portraying a definite command.
A Command
regarding…?
Does
this passage address normal friendships or dating/marriage relationships? I’ve
come to know some Christians who claim that this passage only deals with normal friendships, to make the point of how “the
Bible doesn’t tell us what to do when it comes to dating.”
While
this passage addresses normal friendships, I believe that this command
primarily addresses dating/marriage
relationships because of the word “yoked”. The English word “yoke” may not
necessarily connote too much about dating/marriage relationships, but it does
in the Greek. The Greek word for “yoked” is ἑτεροζύγῳ (heterozugo). It
makes only one appearance in both the Greek New Testament (2 Cor 6:14) and
Greek Old Testament (Lev 19:19 in Septuagint/LXX). Paying attention to its
usage in Leviticus 19:19, this word is translated as “breed”, in “You shall not
let your cattle breed (ἑτεροζύγῳ) with a different
kind.” The word “breed” connotes a relationship beyond a mere friendship.
Hence, when the verse (2 Cor 6:14) mentions “yoked” (ἑτεροζύγῳ) with
“partnership”, it appears evident that Paul’s command regards dating/marriage.
Some
people might wonder why Paul would suddenly comment on marital relationships,
as “it seems out of place” in the overall discourse of 2 Corinthians. There are
two reasons which point to how the content of this passage is not dislocated.
First, Paul mentions extensively in his earlier epistle to the Corinthians
about dating and marriage (1 Cor 6-7). So, for him to insert a small excerpt in
his next epistle is not unnormal. Second, the notion “beware of unequally yoked
relationships” is a biblical concept found throughout the Biblical narrative.
While the law extensively forbade God’s people to intermarry with unbelievers
(Exo 34:15-16; Josh 23:12; Deut 7:3; 1 Kings 11:2), the first ever equivalent
command was given to Isaac (through Abraham) prior to the Law (Gen 24:3). It was then forwarded to Israel
(28:1-5)—which proves that God’s desire for His people to not intermarry with unbelievers is universal, and not merely confined
to the Law (Old Testament). Thus, through consulting the literary and canonical
context, it appears apparent that Paul does address the issue of marriage in 2
Cor 6:15-18.
What’s an “Unbeliever”? (in this passage)
This
question may sound like a no-brainer. Many people would define an “unbeliever”
as someone who “doesn’t profess Christ as Lord”. While someone who does so is
certainly an unbeliever, this is not how Paul made sense of “unbeliever” in
this passage.
Paul
depicts a partnership with an unbeliever as with sin,
which is lawlessness (1 Jn 3:4); with darkness (6:14); with idols (6:16);
and with Belial, which is another name for the devil himself (6:15). A self-professing believer
will probably not have fellowship with Belial, but can a self-professing
believer be lawless, living in sin? Yes. Can a self-professing believer have
idols in one’s life? By all means. Hence, the unbeliever according to
Paul—consistent throughout his writings—is not determined by what one says, but by the way one lives. One is an
unbeliever if one lives in the flesh while a true believer lives in the Spirit
(Rom 8; Gal 6).
Hence,
a simple application is that, when considering entering into a partnership with
a fellow believer of the opposite sex, one is not to find a self-professing
believer, but a true
believer, someone who at least has experienced Christ’s victorious
power over idols, sin, and death. (which is why I believe the
most important question before dating is “are you living in sin”)
This also means that, if one simply dates a “Christian” who is in sin and in
agreement with idols (having idols in one’s life), that person (assuming that
one oneself is not doing such) is violating this important command.
Please
remember that God gave this command for our own good…the following will explain
why.
Effects of Unequally Yoked
Relationships
One
reason (perhaps the biggest one) that accounts for why many believers, whether
in the biblical narrative or today, engage in unequally yoked relationships is
because they do not perceive the destructive effects of violating this command.
They do not know that unequally yoked relationships bring about countless of
negative, long-lasting effects, including how it would obstruct one’s relationship with God.
In fact, I believe this principle highlights the essence of why God commands us
to not do some things, because, when we disobey His commands we will reap
horrendous consequences.
The
first effect of unequally yoked relationships is that, instead of being
transformed into His Image (2 Cor 3:18) and leading one’s partner to being
closer to the Image of God, one’s spirituality
will be adversely influenced. Exodus 34 writes: “when…you take their daughters
for your sons, and their daughters whore after their
gods, [they] make your sons whore after their gods” (34:15-16).
Deuteronomy 7:3-4 writes similarly, “you shall not intermarry with them…for they would turn
away your sons from following me, to serve other gods [which are idols—my comment]…then the anger of the Lord will be kindled against you” (cf. Josh 23:12-1).
This
is why the concept of “flirt to convert” does not work. I’ve personally talked
to people who believed that “it doesn't really matter who I date/marry because
I’ll lift them up and lead them closer to God.” I think there are extremely rare
cases in which God—in His divine grace and mercy and sovereignty—will recuse an
unbeliever through an unequally yoked relationship. But in most cases, that’s not the case, and usually, the “believer” will end up backsliding because
of the relationship. In fact, if dating unbelievers could always lead them
closer to God, then shouldn’t all strong believers date and marry non-believers
as a form of ministry? Yet, both the Biblical narrative and reality present
otherwise.
In
Judges, Scripture writes that the Israelites lived among the pagans (Judges
3:5) and took for themselves those people as their wives (3:6). The result was
that they served the pagan gods (3:6). Solomon,
inasmuch as he had wisdom that surpassed all the wisdom in the east and in
Egypt (1 Kgs 4:30), had his heart turned away from God because
of his wives (11:3). In fact, Scripture writes that, because of his unequally
yoked relationships, “his heart was not wholly true to
the Lord his God” (11:4). Did he lose his salvation? Well…Regardless of
however one may interpret that passage, it is imperative that unequally yoked
relationships greatly hinder and obstruct one’s
relationship with God!
Second,
if having your relationship with God being obstructed is not bad enough,
unequally yoked relationships result in losing out on God’s blessings. The book
of Ezra strongly presents this theme. One reason that accounted for the exile
was because of the Israelites intermarrying with pagans. Hence, this is why
Ezra, when finding out that the returned remnant ended up doing the same
(people just don’t change!) (Ezra 9:3-6), commanded the people who engaged in unequally
yoked relationships to “put away their wives…[and] separate [themselves] from the people of the land and from the foreign
wives” (10:3; 10:11), in which they did (10:18-41)! (Isn’t it interesting
that this book ends with a list of people who separated themselves with their
unequally yoked wives AND children?)
Nonetheless,
the reason why these somewhat-faithful Israelites chose to do that was that they knew the effects of disobeying God in the area of (dating and) marriage.
Ezra 9:14 writes that: “shall we break Your commandments again and intermarry
with the [pagan] peoples…Would You not
be angry with us until You consumed us, so that there should be no remnant nor any to
escape?” It appears that unequally yoked relationships not only take
away God’s blessing but brings forth a curse! Oftentimes that curse befalls
upon one’s offspring, as they also turn away from the Lord (Deut 7:4).
Last,
unequally yoked relationships make life bitter
(not better) for one’s parents. Scripture writes that Esau took foreign wives,
and “they made
life bitter for Isaac and Rebekah [his parents]” (Gen 26:35). It is
only natural for one’s parents’ life to be bitter if one were to date and marry
someone who would lead one astray, obstructing one’s walk with God, and leading
one to idols. Sometimes, unequally yoked relationships not only make one’s
parents’ life bitter but also one’s close friends, especially if they are
believers.
Conclusion:
Unequally
yoked relationships is a common (but unbiblical) phenomenon. I know many who
are engaging in unequally yoked relationships and you probably know a few as
well. Why is this the case? Well, through looking at the biblical narrative, it
is evident that this isn’t merely a 21st-century issue, but one that
has plagued the people of God for thousands of years. This reflects that
unequally yoked relationships are a common method the enemy uses to lead
believers astray or to hinder their faith! In other words, unequally yoked
relationships are part of spiritual warfare. It is truly not so simple when
a believer “falls in love” with someone who’s not—as there’s something in the
spiritual realm that caused this. Hence, this is why I strongly advise
believers to be careful when finding a potential partner through my
worksheet.
All in all, I know that this article is somewhat “negative’
as every single passage in the Scriptures that are associated with this topic
are pretty negative, such as: “bad company ruins good morals” (1 Cor 15:33).
Yet, I write this not with a condemning intent, but one that hopes that every
believer may truly taste the faithfulness and goodness of God when they live
rightly in Him! Romans 8:28, a pretty famous verse, writes that all things work
together for good for those who love God! And to love God is to keep and obey His
Word (Jn 14:15; 14:23 etc.) as His chosen people, royal priesthood, and holy
nation—proclaiming His virtues (1 Pet 2:9) and being zealous for good deeds
(Titus 2:14)! Thus, I hope that as you read this article, you will truly be
convicted by God’s Word and Spirit, not to live a religious life that “keeps”
God’s commands out of blind submission and faith, but one knowing He is the
Good Father and Shepherd that wants the best for us (especially in the area of Dating &
Marriage!). But without obedience, we
can’t step into those riches.
