Dating and Marriage: Should we apply 1 Corinthians 7:9?

Dating and Marriage: Should we apply 1 Corinthians 7:9?

1 Corinthians 7:8-9:

“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

In the passage above, Paul instructs the believers in Corinth to marry if they cannot exercise self-control, especially regarding their sexual or lustful passions. So, when Scripture is oftentimes about applications, should we apply what Paul wrote to the Corinthian church about marriage – that we should date and marry so that we may have sex?

Introduction: Context of Corinth

The church of Corinth was one of the most spiritually gifted but messed up churches in the Bible. Apart from being a people who lacked self-control, as the verse evoked, they were a church which struggled with sin and complacency – which prompted Paul to write to them with distress, anguish, and tears (2 Corinthians 2:4). Corinth was renowned for sexual sin and idolatry. The city was known for the temple of Aphrodite and its 1000 (some say 2000) “sacred” prostitutes of both male and female. (“To corinthianize” = to practice sexual immorality) One of the reasons why Paul stressed on warning the Corinthian church to flee from sexual immorality is due to the engulfing sexual temptations that resided within it (1 Corinthians 6:12-20). Aside from sexual immorality, paganism and idolatry was another huge issue – so prominent that Paul tells the church that they attempt their best in glorifying God even in eating and drinking (10:31), for its food were commonly sacrificed to idols before being served.

In relation to Self-Control

Hence, if the norm of the people in Corinth was to shamelessly indulge in sexual activities (like today), then we can see that Paul was not addressing a group of believers who were approaching the topic of marriage and sexuality in the ideal biblical context. And we can attest that from “if they (the unmarried Corinthians) cannot exercise self-control” because marriage in the ideal biblical context is not about satisfying our sexual desires. Rather, since God’s image is male and female (Genesis 1:26), and humanity is explained by both male and female (5:2), marriage is an integral aspect of His Creation. God created woman because He saw that it was not good for man to be alone (2:18), so that they may become one flesh (2:24), and not because He thought man should have his sexual desires met. Furthermore, marriage also symbolises Christ’s relationship with the church, epitomising why husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25; 1 Peter 3:7), and wives should submit to the husband just as the church submits to Christ (5:26; 1 Peter 3:1).

Since the culture of Corinth was overly and immorally sexualised, Paul addressed them to perform sexual acts under the boundaries of marriage so that they will not sin by satisfying their sexual desires elsewhere (whether with prostitutes or in the form of adultery or whatever). But more importantly, Paul was not presenting 1 Corinthians 7 as the ideal definition of marriage, (that marriage is meant for sex) for sex is for marriage and marriage, God.

Thus, in relation to self-control, one who looks forward to dating and marriage because one desires sexual intimacy, quoting 1 Corinthians 7:9 as a “legitimate” biblical reason to do so, is equating oneself to a Corinthian. By equating oneself to a Corinthian, that person is implying that he or she cannot exercise self-control, which that fact would point to the following problems: (1) One is not synced and integrated with the Spirit as He is the Spirit of self-control (Galatians 5:23; 2 Timothy 1:7). (2) One is spiritually immature because he who is spiritually mature would live in sync with the Spirit and be self-controlled (Titus 1:8; 1 Timothy 3:2). (3) One is not sowing and walking in the Spirit, because if that person is, he or she would not gratify the desires of the flesh, including sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, and orgies (Galatians 5:16-23) (4) Lastly, one is not a good testimony and witness of God, as one who is would not lack self-control. More importantly, one who is a good witness of God would desire to equate oneself to Paul rather than a Corinthian. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 11:1 that we should follow his example, as he follows Christ’s. I do not think that one who cannot practice self-control can manage a household.

In relation to Sin

If one desires to date and marry because of the lack of self-control – concluding that he or she is spiritually immature – there is a high chance that the person could have issues with sin. Thus, when one is living in the bondage of sin, or “practicing sin” (1 John 3:8-9), whether that be adultery, premarital sex, pornography, cheating, drugs, wrath, corrupt language, gluttony, lust, idolatry (anything that is valued above God) etc., and that sin is not dealt with, its consequences, impacts, and brokenness could spread (even unconsciously or non-deliberately) to others.

When the aftereffects of sin impact another, relationships could be affected. The Gospel, the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18), is about mending spiritual and fraternal relationships while sin destroys them. So, the problem which arises when one who is still living in sin decides to date and marry is that the person whom one loves may end up being caught in one’s aftereffects of sin. Furthermore, even though Paul writes that “it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (7:9b), the veteran missionary does not imply that dating and marriage deal with the sin one is entangled with. Sin does not suddenly disappear because one’s passions are satisfied, whether through sex or other means. If it did, then we all should marry and the Bible should have never talked about repentance. Sin can only be dealt with through repentance, and not through a change of status, location, identity, or class.

One does not change from sin unless one repents. When God led the Israelites, His chosen people from the land of slavery (Egypt) to the promised land, they sinned continually to God by disbelief and complaints. The Israelites personally witnessed God’s truthfulness and vividness when He plagued the Egyptians (Exodus 7-12). Yet, even when the presence of God was present with them as He went before them in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night (Exodus 13:21), they lost faith and began to grumble when they sensed the Egyptian pursuit (14:10-12) – but God was still supernaturally with them in the pillar of fire!

After the Israelites witnessed the miracle of crossing the Red Sea, they sinned again by complaining about the lack of food, another fleshly desire (Exodus 16-17). In fact, the Israelites continued to sin in the form of disbelief and grumbling against God who brought them out of Egypt for they did not repent. The end of their sin of disbelief and grumbling came when the Law, which taught them repentance, was given. Thus, the chosen people of God underwent a change of status, location, identity, and class, but their sin did not disappear until they repented.

With that being mentioned, Paul states that it is not sinful for a Christian to marry even if that person has strong sexual or lustful desires (1 Corinthians 7:28, 7:36). Yet, just because one decides to marry on the basis of satisfying his or her passions, it does not mean that the potentially existing sin and problems one was experiencing before marriage will be automatically dealt with after saying “I do”. In fact, if a person lacks self-control and lives in sin, marriage may not be an edifying decision in the long-run as his or her lack of spiritual maturity could negatively affect a lot of things! Sin always has an aftereffect and a consequence. Again, we can see that Paul was not presenting the principle regarding marriage in 1 Corinthians 7 as a way to glorify God, instead, a way to avoid sin for desperate people – which we should not imitate!

Conclusion

All in all, if you are a Christian striving for God’s “good and faithful servant”, aiming to become an honorable vessel for His Name’s sake, boldly declaring to other believers “follow my example, as I follow Christ’s”, and hoping to leave behind a godly legacy, then you should not apply 1 Corinthians 7:9 in regard to dating and marriage. Paul’s response to a set of questions in 1 Corinthians 7 was addressing a perverted church struggling with sin. I believe that anyone pursuing a long-term, successful marriage ordained and sustained by Christ would not look at marriage based on what Paul said, not because there is an issue with the Word of God as It is infallible, inerrant, and incorrupt, but because it is not an exhortation to the mature, but the spiritually immature who have not by constant practice trained themselves how to distinguish good and evil (Hebrews 5:14). The biblical principle mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7:9 is meant to be treated as a last resort; it is not meant to be desired by any Christian. We should all adhere to what Paul wrote in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”

-Barnabas