The Dangers of "Self-Love"

 The term “self-love” has gained popularity, even among Christians. Some would say that Jesus affirms this notion in the Second Greatest Commandment. Is that so? What do people mean by “self-love”?

 

The Second Greatest Commandment: “...love your neighbor as yourself.”  

Some Christians believe in “self-love” because of Matthew 22:39, “And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” In their eyes, “self-love” is clear because we should love our neighbors the way we love ourselves. It’s implied that we should love ourselves—”who doesn’t take care of themselves?”  

 

Taking good care of ourselves isn’t a problem... but why doesn’t Scripture write, “love yourselves?” Wouldn’t it be so easy for God to say, “Love Me, love your neighbor, love yourself?”  Perhaps a question that many people who advocate for “self-love” fail to address is, why is such a “self-love” implied? (We’ll allow the term “self-love” for now)

 

I think Scripture gives us an answer. “Self-love”, as in, taking care of ourselves, is an intrinsic function/response of every human being created in God’s image (cf. Gen 1:26-28). By nature, every human being takes care of themselves (to certain extents) because God created us with intrinsic integrity and purpose. If anyone should understand this, it should be Christians—as we should realize the higher purpose we have in Christ.  

 

When “self-love” is acceptable—diligence 

Therefore, “self-love” is acceptable when some Christians have gone through extremely rough upbringings, where their environment affects their identity. Some Christians need to realize that they are created in God’s Image and with a God-given purpose, and therefore, should diligently treat their bodies with intrinsic dignity. Some people need to see themselves the way God sees us, that our holistic being has intrinsic value. In terms of virtue, this is known as “diligence”--and the opposite is “sloth”.  

 

However, to be technical, “self-love” is not a biblical term. In other words, I believe Scripture avoids such terminology for a reason. Therefore, instead of using the term “self-love”, I’d rather stick with “taking care of yourself” or more biblically, “diligence” (cf. 2 Pet 1:5). We are called to be stewards of our bodies.   

 

When “self-love” is unacceptable—indulgence”  

Perhaps the biggest problem with self-love is that, “self-love” is self-defeating. Self-love is unbiblical. Why? Because love, by definition, is selfless (cf. Jn 3:16; 1 Cor 13:5; 1 Jn 4) Self-love appears to be extremely selfish and egoistic. It’s saying “me first”. But God says “God first” and at times, “put others above yourself.” (cf. Phil 2:3-5) Now, don’t get me wrong, diligence and being stewards of our bodies isn’t selfish but biblical and virtuous. 

(The Trinity seems to demonstrate perfect love and unity shared between the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as the Father loves the Son selflessly and the Son loves the Spirit and so on. Notice how Jesus never says, “the Father loves Himself” rather, the Father loves the Son and the Son loves the Father —Jn 5:20; 14:31)

More importantly, self-love can become indulgence—”doing whatever I want to please myself in the name of love”. We are not called to indulge ourselves, whether with food, entertainment, earthly pleasures, lust, sex, egoism, pride etc.  This is not to say we can’t enjoy life (e.g.: Eccl 3:12-13; 3:22). Married couples are called to enjoy each other’s presence (Prov 5:18 cf. 1 Cor 7) alongside food with fellowship (1 Cor 11:17-34). Diligence, in many cases, involves rest. However, there is a line where enjoyment becomes indulgence.  

 

For example, Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 writes, “There is nothing better for people than to be happy...that each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is a gift from God.” Yet, Scripture also writes, “Do not be idolaters, as some of them were; as it is written: “The people sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in revelry.” 1 Corinthians 10:7  

 

Consider Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:31-32, “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.” Indulgence is running after the mere physical and external. Yet, God calls us to love Him and to seek His kingdom—and all these shall be provided (6: 33).  

 

Conclusion: 

Do you see the point? Once you cross the line, enjoyment becomes indulgence, and indulgence is not “love” as “love” seeks what is good in the eyes of God as God is good, holy, just, and righteous. Indulgence is self-harm. Some “Christians” use “self-love” to rationalize/justify indulgence and that is demonic because the enemy doesn’t seek your good. They may feel “loved” or “fulfilled” in the moment, such as one engaging in casual sex, but in the long run, there will be consequences and baggage. Therefore, God calls us to diligence, not indulgence.  

 

As for the term “self-love”, I think Christians should generally avoid it because it’s confusing. Rather, let’s be biblical and use biblical terms, such as “diligence” and “indulgence”. God calls us to diligence, the devil calls us to indulgence. Choose who you want to be your “influencer”.