What Does God Desire for Dating & Marriage?

What Does God Desire For Dating & Marriage?

In our current post-modern society, where feelings and emotions are glorified alongside subjective morality, dating has become a common social norm. Instead of dating for marriage, dating has developed more into a social activity where people pursue the thrills and chills of having a partner. Yet, what would God, who is omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent, think of today’s definition of dating? The truth is, even if one and one’s boyfriend or girlfriend are all alone in the midst of somewhere, they are not, for 3 persons – God the Father, Christ the Son, and the ever-present Spirit of God – is with them, similar to how it is written in Hebrews 4:13 “no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.” And as it is countlessly written in the infallible God-breathed Word that everything we do, including our thoughts and words, should be aimed to glorify Him – so that we can live in His Will, Promises, and Blessings; what would God think of the relationships that we could be having? Is it glorifying to God?

The Appearance and The Heart

Someone’s appearance is probably the first thing one would consider about. Whether one is considered as beautiful or handsome is highly subjective matter, but in most cases, one would only date someone whom he or she regards as beautiful or handsome. In spite of how our modern social values places heavy emphasis on whether or not one is ‘cute’, ‘hot’, or ‘cool’, God ultimately does not look at one’s appearance, but one’s heart (1 Samuel 16:7). 

Yet, in Jeremiah 17:9 it states that one’s heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure, and Mark 7:21 says that the hearts of men comes forth evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, greed, wickedness, deceit, debauchery, envy, slander, arrogance, and foolishness. Hence, what does God mean when He says that He looks at one’s heart – if the heart has nothing good?

El Shaddai chose David because He consider him as a man after His own heart (1 Samuel 13:14). An honorable commendation it may be from the King of kings, David actually committed many of sins enlisted above. He committed sexual immorality with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11:1-5), polygamy, murder (2 Samuel 11:14-27), and arrogance and wickedness and foolishness by not killing his son Amnon for incest and murder of his sister Tamar (2 Samuel 13) – which he should have according to the law, causing a divided kingdom and deaths of both his sons Amnon and Absalom – as well as via asking his commander-in-chief Joab, who was a terrible man, to conduct a consensus (2 Samuel 24). But despite God knew all of the horrendous sins David would commit before the formation of the universe – which, if I were to be honest, he was not much better than Saul – He still called him a man of His own heart, and established the covenant with him (2 Samuel 7), who is our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

God chose David in spite of his wrongdoings and iniquities because He knew that David would love and seek Him regardless of his wrongdoings, for he aims to do His will (Acts 13:22). And to be fair, King David was one of the few that would repent before the Lord upon realization of his sin, unlike his son Solomon. (This does not signify that the consequences of sin did not linger) God knows our flaws and our weaknesses, but because His Love is greater, He will establish us in His blessings and promises when we seek His Will – just as it is written in Matthew 7:21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.”

The rapid development of globalization and social media, alongside Western liberal values spreading at an unprecedented rate has caused many of us to easily focus on the external appearance, outlook, and physique, while ignore the heart – which God cares about. A beautiful and attractive mollusk is worthless if there is no pearl inside, or if the pearl is rotten. Therefore, in the same way, if God would care mostly about one’s heart of obedience and submission – and we are called to live like Jesus Christ who is God – we are to care about one’s heart over one’s appearance. God desires us to look deeper into others, and search for someone who is after His own heart, so that His Will can be magnified in the couple. However, one will only search for someone who is after God’s own heart, only if he or she is also one who is after His own heart.

The Discipline of Waiting (Hope)

Since God created man and woman to join together and become one flesh, He loves and desires for us to marry. (This does not mean everyone has to marry) Yet, despite many might be desperate to find their ‘soul mate’, which is not a biblical term, the marriage which God desires for each and every one of us is ultimately based in Him. He is the greatest matchmaker, for a true marriage under the presence of the Holy Spirit consists of a man and woman joined together by God (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9), and not merely by impulsivity or feelings.  Does God not know us more than we know ourselves? And if we believe God knows us far better than we know ourselves, our needs and desires, we need to have confidence in Him that He will provide the best for us, as we earnestly seek our partner, for it is written in Matthew 7:7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you” – not forgetting what Christ said in Matthew 21:22 “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask.” For those who are desperate or wanting to find their future wives or husbands, the key is to believe that God is Jehovah Jireh – the Lord who will provide (Genesis 22:14). Thus, if God loves marriage and desires it for us, would He not provide ‘the special one’ for each and every one who loves Him with the whole of their heart, mind, and soul? Is God Himself not love?

Oftentimes faith is the problem one has when one considers oneself to be "desperate" . Hebrews 11:1 defines faith as the assurance of things hoped for, which are unseen. The word ‘hope’ is also translated as ‘to wait for’. The Lord can be testing our faith in Him – whether or not we have placed our utmost trust in Him, saying: “My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope in from Him” (Psalm 62:5). For some others, this time of waiting could be a time where God wants to discipline and prepare us for our future spouse, especially a heart that seeks after God - placing Him as our ultimate valentine. Furthermore, just as a father would discipline his son for his own good – on the basis of love – the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises everyone He receives as a son (Hebrews 12:6).

Even Prophet Isaiah stated that youths grow weary and the young will stumble and fall, but those who wait for the Lord – those who hope in the Lord – will renew their strength (Isaiah 40:30). Some of us may be tired of dating or waiting for someone to appear, but let us remember to wait for the Lord, placing our utmost faith in Him, “For from him and through him and to him are all things” (Romans 11:36). God desires us to wait on Him so that His Will can be done through a couple whom He Himself has joined.

All in all, let us focus on one’s heart over the appearance, as we guard ours, and wait for the Lord with expectancy and thanksgiving, believing that He is able to bless us abundantly, as it is written in 2 Corinthians 9:8, so that we – and with those whom we are joined with – may be able to further conduct ourselves as people who are worthy of the Gospel – as living sacrifices (Romans 12:1) and honorable vessels (1 Timothy 2:21).

-Barnabas